Letters
by Kitara Lira
Summary: Always left in the dark, Shizuru takes a time out from life with Natsuki. However, just before her disappearance, Natsuki comes to a realization. Will she be too late?
1. Chapter 1

**_Letters: Part I_**

* * *

_  
I'm sorry to bother you with this as I know we rarely talk, however I've hit a bit of a rut and you were the first person I thought of. Though we haven't spoken in years I find myself needing to get this off my chest. I mean not for it to seem like I am misusing our friendship – I suppose in a way I am – but I'm desperate._

_Sitting here I am troubled by ghosts of my past. My chest aches; my head numb. The Carnival – a pivotal point in both our lives – a time when both our masks cracked, our ploys exposed. Yes, those memories still haunt me, just as I know they haunt you. I suppose our graduating fell at an opportune time. Able to move away – to escape – you left this world of dark, grim memories behind. For that I envy you. Able to separate yourself from this painful existence; able to start anew. Here I still sit, clinging to the edge of life, body becoming heavy like lead, the water rushing in around me. My moment to flee has long since past._

_Though never formal with our feelings, you knew. Words were never spoken, yet you heard. Perhaps it is just how people like you and I live. Calm, composed, yet on the inside a mix of inner turmoil. We don't communicate our emotions, nor do we show them. Perhaps the only thing giving way to our true intent rests behind our impenetrable gaze. It would be foolish to lie, to say I wasn't thinking of her. Just as I am sure it would be foolish to say you weren't thinking of Mai-san. During that brief time at Fuuka, we both found someone to love. To cherish. Yet, no matter how hard we tried, to hide our feelings, we both failed. For some reason they were able to reach past our masks, exposing our true selves, stripping us bare. We fell. Fell in love with the people we could never have. And now three yeas later we still bear those scars. Or at least I do._

_Which brings me to the cause of my current state; her. To society it is impure, immoral and in every way wrong. But still I love her. After the Carnival I thought she would surely reject me. I was impure; still am. However, as always she was too kind to me, ensuring everything was alright. She forgave me. And like that, I never brought it up again. My mask was reformed, and we went on. I know you heard news that we moved in together from Mai-san, but let me assure you, nothing has changed. For that I am pleased, yet heartbroken. I would rather suffer the slings of arrows then see that look of fear again within her emerald orbs. _

_Taking night courses at the local university and working at the shop down the street during the day, she is doing well. As temperamental and cute as ever, I find it a daily challenge to keep my emotions in check. I lost her trust once – it will not happen again. Though tonight as she is out with the other ex-hime, I let myself fall. Mask plummeting down to the cold surface. Only with her miles away, the door bolted shut, and myself locked up in my room; only then do I allow the tears to fall. I love her with every fiber in my body, no matter how much it hurts. To see the men stare at her in the way they do. To watch her smile when talking with Mai-san or Mikoto-chan. Before I was the only one allowed in, yet now…_

_Ara you must excuse me. She just called and will be coming home shortly. Seems Midori managed to get them removed from the Karaoke hall, yet again. I will have to finish this another time. I cannot let her come home to see my disheveled state. The out of place hair, puffy red eyes and swollen hand. I must be perfect for her, re-adorn my mask and smile for her. Whatever I do, I must not let her worry._

_Until the next time we speak._

_Shizuru_

* * *

_Scrolling back up to the top of the page the honey haired woman clicked on the name bar, padding away softly at the keys of her laptop: Reito Kanzaki. Having re-read it several times, the woman deemed it fit, a soft sigh escaping her pale lips. Was it truly alright to do this? To allow another to witness her in a state of weakness?_

_"Iie…" Shaking her head, Shizuru bit the base of her lip. It was now or never._

___Click.  
_

___Message sent._

_Closing her laptop and sliding it under her bed, the graceful woman rose to her feet. No time to ponder, Natsuki was coming home and everything must be perfect._

* * *

_Author Note: I know this isn't a fluff piece, and the next few following probably won't be either, however, it was all I could wrote. The words echo the feelings of the heart._


	2. Chapter 2

_**Letters: Part II**_

* * *

___Last night we got into out first fight. We've been living together for six months now and last night was the first. After she had returned from the party with the other ex-hime, Natsuki seemed rather aggravated. As she opened the door, all I could hear were low grumbles and faint curses. Something must have gone wrong. I had arranged everything just perfectly as a good friend should do. On the coffee table before the couch in the living room I had a sandwich laid out for her, a small bowl of mayonnaise resting beside it. Next to that I had placed a glass of milk; Natsuki was never really picky about what she drank so much as it wasn't anything too bitter._

___I remember it clearly. The front door to the small apartment we shared was slammed shut – I could have sworn it cracked on its hinges. Natsuki stormed across the small space, plopped down in front of the television, turned it on, and then absent mindedly reached back for the food she knew would be waiting. My routines in the apartment had become like clockwork. Anything to keep my Natsuki happy. In an attempt to pacify the raging wolf, I went like a lamb to the slaughter, offering myself as redemption for whatever wrongs had been caused._

___At first all I received were angry shouts. By then I was sure all our neighbours had been awoken from their once peaceful slumber. It was Nao. Causing a ruckus again, she had explained when she was finally able to use words. Yuuki-san had apparently said something, though Natsuki would not say what, that was simply unforgivable. It had been when they were all parting ways, Yuuki-san perhaps having had a tad too much to drink. I tried to explain to Natsuki that the young girl was simply troubled. Not having a mother to raise her, and heavy bills to pay, Yuuki-san simply needed time. _

___I'm sure you're enjoying this. I, Fujino Shizuru, siding with Yuuki Nao; of all the possible people. Yes, as strange as it may seem it is true. I had sided with Yuuki-san. During the Carnival I had despised the young girl for I thought she held an interest in my Natsuki. I couldn't fathom such an idea! So, like any, or rather some, jealous women, I fought back, willing to disgrace myself for the one I loved._

___Though this was not even what had sparked our fight. No, what had initiated our first true argument was the current swollen state of my left hand. Now bandaged up, and considerably better then last night, this hand had been the cause of our battle. A hand. My hand._

___I suppose I should tell you how my hand became swollen in the first place. You see last night, after Natsuki's departure, my state of mind was not fairing all too well. Caught between love and friendship, I was a wreck. Furniture tossed about, floor littered with knick-knacks, I laid at the focal point of the disaster. Upon the floor, make-up smeared and sobbing, I didn't know what to think of my relationship with her. I loved her yet I knew she did not love me in return. Even so, she tempted me so – taking me on shopping outings, movies, doing homework together, and even offering a hug on her own accord a few odd times. Her behaviour confused me, puzzled me to my core and in fact still does. As best friends it is normal to care for the other, but could it be more? I always hoped._

___Last night, my calm, proper composure had snapped. Unable to contain it any more I feel apart, yet again. In the midst of all that I had lashed out at the wall, hoping to release some of my pent up emotion. However no such luck. Instead I hit a support beam in the wall, the drywall cracking but not giving way. Searing pain shot through my fist, then my arm. I deserved it. _

___However, Natsuki did not seem to agree. Cradling my hand in hers, another action that confused me, ripping me apart, she belittled be for being so foolish. As she spoke, pulling me off to the bathroom to tend to my hand, I cracked. My mask, for the second time, broke. Tears slide down my face, my puffy red eyes returning. Enraged I tore my hand from hers, eliciting a gasp from her. Never before had I ever spoken back. Never before had I spoken to her unkindly. The rest was a blur. I remember yelling at her for the first time ever. I confessed to my heart raked in turmoil. To never knowing what to do when she showed me any displays of affection. And most of all, how I had never stopped loving her. Then, turning fast on my heels not waiting for her response, I ran out of the apartment, taking nothing with me._

___I spent most of the night wandering aimlessly, having no place to go. You had been the closest thing, aside from Natsuki, that I had as a friend and even then we were still more or less acquaintances who had worked together for a time._

___By the time I had cooled my head, letting the events of the night sink in, it was well past six in the morning, the sun was already beginning to peak up over the horizon. Feeling a wave of tiredness wash over me, my legs brought me back to the apartment, as if with a mind of their own. When I entered I noticed a passed out Natsuki on the couch, beer bottles littering the once clean surface. As usual she was being reckless. I had grabbed a blanket from the closet, ensuring she would not get cold, cleaned up the twenty-seven cans with a heavy sigh before retreating to my room._

___By the time I had awoken, Natsuki was long gone. A note on the table indicated she would be staying with Mai-san for a few days and not to worry._

___How can I not worry when I am losing my Natsuki for the second time? Ara, I am thinking too much again. I simply need to get out of this apartment and get away from it all. Perhaps I should take up that nice girl's offer, what was her name…. Nami? … yes that was her name. Perhaps I will take Nami-san up on her offer and join her at the club tonight. It would sure be a good way to get my mind off these things.  
_

___Sincerely,  
_

___Shizuru_

* * *

Into the name bar she typed: Reito Kanzaki before clicking that finalizing button.

_____Message Sent  
_

Closing the laptop and returning it to its place under the bed, the young woman let out a sigh, "I love you Natsuki…" She whispered to the open air of her room. The room itself was simple, a traditional Western double size bed, desk, dresser, bookshelf, and a few odd pictures. Nothing glamorous. Going to her dresser Shizuru pulled out a cute black dress she had bought with Natsuki on one of their shopping trips, "But sometimes loving you hurts too much."

Slipping on the black dress, tying her hair back and applying a few daps of make-up, Shizuru flipped open her phone, punching at unfamiliar numbers.

_____Ring  
_

_____Ring  
_

_____Ring  
_

"Hello?"

"Ara, hello Nami-san, I was wondering if it was too late to take you up on your offer?"

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**_Letters: Part III_**

* * *

Author Note: Quick thanks to kikyo4ever and chum-sa for the comments. Heh it seems I've left the readers on a "Please Kami-sama don't let Shizuru do something stupid" note. Sorry that I haven't written anything for a while – graduation was just on the weekend and I really haven't been in much of a writing mood. However, I figure, for the sake of my readers, something must go up!

* * *

_The beating drum that seems to be pulsing through my head just won't stop. Again and again the walls of my life appear to be enclosing around me. Even as I stand and make my way across the small apartment, I feel as if I am conquering a climb up Everest! Ara, never again shall I consume that much sake in one sitting. Though I have been awake for several hours, and have not had a drop to drink since last night, the after effects seem to not want to let me out of their grasp._

_I do not remember much of the details from the previous night, though Nami-san was more assertive and spoken – perhaps it was the few drinks. In a way she reminds me of Natsuki, though she will never be able to replace the cobalt haired beauty in my heart. Short, shy, and easily flustered. Together we shared Political Studies last semester and Stock Analysis this semester. Transferring from Germany in an exchange program, the young girl found herself quickly entangled in the life of Japan, opting to finish her studies here rather then return to her home country. Though a year younger then myself, Nami-san excelled in her studies, permitting her to skip a grade back in her junior years. Ara, if you were still here Reito-san you would truly enjoy her just as much as I. That pink colour that envelops her cheeks… the way she nervously asks to borrow my notes when she has missed a day. Nothing like those girls that shadowed us constantly throughout our younger years, she humble, sweet, and good natured (also nothing like us)._

_When she asked me to accompany her the first time, I kindly declined. Natsuki, though she never voiced it, was easily upset whenever I went out with others. The possessive type – though of what I am not sure – to her we were friends. Nothing more. Nothing less. She never failed to confuse me, however, I never let that confusion shine through. To worry her, to cause her pain, it was unacceptable. No matter how hard I tried – the sacrifices I made – I still hurt her. As if the Fates had written it in the stars and I was only to blindly follow. Natsuki…_

_She has not yet returned from Mai-sans. I know I should not worry, but that is all I seem able to do. Though I have no right to see her, I want nothing more then to see her. Ask her how she is doing; hold her. According to her note Natsuki will not return until at least Friday. That is if all goes well. However, if Natsuki truly is upset I should not expect her back until early next week. I'm not sure if I can last that long._

_Her radio alarm clock has just gone off. Why? Why in the world would it be set for such a time? Ara, that melody…_

_Don't go breaking my heart_

_I couldn't if I tried_

_Oh honey if I get restless_

_Baby you're not that kind_

_Oohhhh_

_Right from the start I gave you my heart_

_Ooh, baby_

_You know I gave you my heart_

_Don't go breaking my heart  
I won't go breaking your heart  
Oh, don't go breaking my  
Don't go breaking my  
Don't go breaking my heart_

_Of all the possible songs, why did that one have to play? It is as if God is out to torture my already tormented and broken soul. Oh, Reito-san, what ever will I do? I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I need to get out of here before I break; hurting my Natsuki in such a way that even her kind heart will not be able to forgive me. Being so close to her everyday – sneaking glances at her from the corner of my hazed vision – attempting to wake her each morning oh that sweet drool covered face…_

_Reito-san I think it is high time I took a vacation. To my parents in Kyoto – my mother has been begging me to come back – and summer vacation is about to start at our University so I wouldn't be missing any classes. Perhaps if time should permit it and you of course, I would like to stop by for a visit._

_Well I had best book the flight, call Mama, and begin the process of packing. I will email you once I am in Kyoto. Until then Reito-san._

_Sincerely,_

_Shizuru_

Sending the email, Shizuru closed the message board, opening up an internet browser. The sound of familiar clicking echoed through the small space as she entered the words: Airline travels "Ticket purchases" into the bar. Several clicks later and it was settled. Though classes did not officially end until next week, Shizuru picked up her phone, hitting her speed dial, waiting for the tone. With her exams being finished, missing the few year end classes would mean nothing.

"Hello?"

"Mama?"

"Ara, Shizuru-chan! How are you doing? Is something wrong? You never call this early into the week?"

"Iie, everything is fine Mama. I was just wondering, do I still have my room in Kyoto?"

"Of course dear, why do you ask?"

"Ara, I was thinking that perhaps it was high time I came to visit my parents, don't you?"

"Shizuru-chan you're coming to visit!? Wait till your father hears! When will you be arriving?"

"Tomorrow morning, at the usual terminal, I'll call you when my plan touches down."

"Oh, I'm so happy you're coming to visit Shizuru-chan, its been too long. Well rest up darling, we don't want you tired when you come tomorrow. You know your father will want to take you out for lunch and such."

"Ara, yes Mama, I shall rest well. See you tomorrow." Click. Just like that. It was decided. Exiting her room and searching through the hall closet, the chestnut haired woman found what she was searching for, her purple luggage case. On its roller wheels, Shizuru brought it into her room. Upon her bed she placed it, unzipping the lid and tossing it back. With only eight hours until her flight left, she needed to pack quickly and rest as much as she could before heading off for the airport. It was now or never.

_Somewhere Across the City_

Unable to sleep, a young woman laid flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling, one arm resting over the width of her forehead. To her right rested two of her close friends, one cuddling enjoying the warmth the amble bosom provided her as a pillow, the other moaning softly at the touch. With a soft chuckle, her emerald orbs strayed from her two companions to the far window – the moon shining brightly lighting most of the room in its luminescent waves. A long sigh escaped her lips, "Mou… why… why do you always hide from me Shizuru…" Biting the base of her pale lips, the young woman fought back tears, "Do you really hate me that much?"


	4. Chapter 4

**_Letters: Part IV_**

* * *

"_I love you."_

_So soft._

_So tender._

_The words of an angel._

_My angel._

"Natsuki-chan!" A piece of chalk hurtling across the room, tagging the said girl square in the forehead, throwing her from her daze. Limbs flailing, as if attempting to stay afloat, a fury of dark blue tresses messily tangled, the young woman now lay about the floor. Beside her, the chair she had just been sitting on sat in a mocking manner as if to say 'I told you so.' All about giggles and woots resounded. Great. Now she was daydreaming in class. Adjusting the rims of her reading glasses, the young woman slowly got to her feet. For some strange reason, no crimson flaring cheeks accompanied the fall. No… crimson… Her colour… her eyes…

At the front of the class, a woman, not much older stood, or rather was bent over. Tears streaking the facial features, clutching her stomach so hard, apparently she thought it was just the best thing. Yet to Natsuki… what was it? Shouldn't she have been angrily refuting what her 'sempai' had just done? Throwing the chalk back? Midori was always so childish, and enjoyed tossing the young girl from her hazed like state during class; she had always said that class was meant for learning not imagining fantasies of some distant land where perhaps a knight in glistening white armor came to rescue the damsel in distress. Funny, Midori said that. Yes, the forever seventeen year old teacher with a head of fiery red and an attitude of everything but an adult. Hime-Rangers. That was her doing.

As she rose from the cold ground, everyone seemed to be watching, eagerly awaiting the typical Kuga response. Instead they got none of that, why should they? A few pats to straighten the skirt, and a hand about the back of her seat scrapping it across and back into its usual position before sitting, Natsuki said nothing. To anyone new to the school, this might have seemed a typical, normal response if you will. But to all the other students, all were in shock, Midori most of all. Over the lecturing podium she hung, jaw gaping wide as if some invisible force were pulling down upon it. Natsuki Kuga, Ice Princess of Fuuka Academy, notorious for her outbursts at whoever dared to disrupt her, had just taken chalk to the head… and sat down. Without a word! Shoes scuffled; whispers erupted in low tones, all hidden behind the hand of the issuer. Soon they were no longer whispers, but normal conversation. Still the Lone wolf did nothing, her gaze seemingly lost once again. Students soon filtered from their desks, conversing with friends across the room at the event that had just taken place – their teacher still in shock. A soft snort left the dark haired woman, unheard by all, as she watched her fellow students with amusement. Honestly, they were acting like this was some life changing event. All she did was sit down… "Alright! Alright!" The spell over their teacher seemed to finally break as she made an attempt to control the class, "Return to your seats now, this isn't free time! Kaori-kun, do you want another assignment on top of those two you have?"

A squeal erupted from the tall boy, rather unbecoming. Straighter then a board, the boy stuttered, "N-n-n-no Ma'am!" Again laughter gushed from the class; this time at the expense of the young boy.

"Good! Then park your butt back down in your seat!" Barked Midori, that annoying grin of hers plastered to her face. Well on the bright side? At least she came to school sober.

"Y-y-yes Ma'am!!" Cheeks brighter then humanly possibly, the boy rushed back to his seat, on the way, tripping over the corner of a desk. Another round of laughter resounded through the room. Heh, look at him, stuttering like an idiot… that could have been me. What happened to me? Gaze focused again upon the world outside, the troubled youth knew her answer, Shizuru. Her… her hand… her perfect ivory skin desecrated. And why? Though she had not been able to pry an answer from her roommate, Natsuki knew. It was me… she's hurting herself again… because of me. Shizuru, why do you do this to yourself? Don't you know how much it hurts me to see you hurting?

The aggravating screeching noise, also known as the school bell, echoed through the depths of the building. Students rushed to scribble the last few notes before hurriedly cramming books into bags and heading off; whether it be Club activities, friends, or going home, it didn't matter to Natsuki. It was all the same. Slow to return her books to her bags, Natsuki turned to leave, halted by a voice clearing and a concerned Midori standing at the front of the room. "Natsuki-chan, stay a bit? I'd like to talk to you."

* * *

___Kyoto International __Airport Terminal  
_

Before the flight board stood a beautiful young woman. Chestnut hair tied neatly in back, a light summer dress clinging to her figure. The center of attention, not only with the male population, but also the female population, the woman seemed un-phased, her crimson eyes lost in a dream.

"Shizuru-chan!" A melodic voice rang over the flight callings and the constant hum of conversation causing the young woman to turn her gaze from the dismal numbers - all thoughts of a certain young daredevil rushing from her. Ahead, not even a hundred yards stood an older woman, waving happily. At first glance, she held many of the same characteristics as the young woman. Though upon closer inspection, it was clear to tell that some differences remained. Instead of deep crimson pools, the elder woman's eyes held a captivating honey colour, her hair, though aging, matched that of her youthful counterpart. Few wrinkles creased her forehead as well as her cheeks – worn in place from the many smiles.

"Mama…" Shizuru said softly, waving back. It had been a few years since she had last visited her parents. Through all of the experiences before and especially after the Carnival, the chestnut haired youth had found little time to herself. Even then those fleeting moments had been spent with a particular young girl.

Her mother drawing closer, Shizuru was able to see the fine differences that time had pressed upon the older woman. Though as vibrant as ever, Shizuru sensed a weariness pressing upon her mother. A few extra wrinkles had caressed the woman's soft facial features since the last time they had seen each other, and her steps seemed almost hesitant. As was to be expected. Over the past year, Shizuru had cut almost all connection to her parents, only indulging in the few brief phone calls, and an email every so often. It was only normal that her parents had become worried; never before had she done anything like that. Sticking to a routine of at least two phone calls a week, an email nearly everyday and continual update through photos in regards to her school life, Shizuru found herself closely tied to her parents. However after the Carnival… everything had changed. Though her parents knew nothing about the Carnival, Shizuru had explained in a letter once that she had simply been busy, and unfortunately unable to remain in such close contact. Accepting this with no complaints life continued, however she knew her parents felt something else was the cause. It was possible that they even blamed themselves, for never being there for her as a child.

There before her stood her mother, a meager foot away, if that, unsure of whether or not to hug her daughter. Though if any debate and doubt had lingered in the woman's mind it was gone now as she enveloped her only daughter in a hug, "Welcome home…"

"I'm home…" Shizuru whispered back, holding tightly to her mother as if she may vanish if her grip lagged even the slightest. A stray tear fell from the strongly willed crimson pools followed by another, then another. There she stood – a full grown woman – weeping in the arms of her mother. Though to her relief, Shizuru's mother said nothing, merely comforting her daughter, not letting go in the slightest bit. Sometimes even the strongest of the strongest masks broke, and who better to cradle and mend those broken shards then the ones who had first taught you love and warmth?


	5. Chapter 5

**_Letters: Part V_**

* * *

"_Natsuki-chan, stay a bit? I'd like to talk to you."  
_

* * *

A sigh escaped the "lone wolf". It was expected that Midori might pull her aside. No, not just because of the chalk incident – though that was probably what finally allowed the said woman to have a good solid case.

"Is everything alright Natsuki? Did something happen between you and Shizuru?" _Bang._ _Dead on._ Midori couldn't be any more blunt could she? "Mai-chan sounded worried. Natsuki, what happened?" _Damn Mai and that loud mouth of hers. _Natsuki cursed inwardly, the slight irritation showing in the twitching of her brow.

"We just got into a little argument, that's all. I don't see what everyone is so worked up about!" That came out a little harder then intended as Natsuki watched her teacher cringe. "I'm… I'm sorry. It's just this is my problem, not your's. Or Mai's for that matter. Things will be fine in a few days. You know Shizuru…" Upon her last words Natsuki had found her feet carry her to the class entrance. Then with a rare smile, the young girl bowed respectfully before exiting into and down the deserted corridor.

It wasn't her place to say more – though Midori prayed with every fiber in her body that Natsuki wasn't doing something she'd later regret. After all, everyone knew Shizuru couldn't wait forever for the oblivious girl. Eventually she would snap, "God… I hope she didn't…" The vibrating within her hip pocket stopped that train of thought almost as quickly as it had come. Slipping the slender piece of machinery out of its resting spot and flicking it open, raising it to her ear (all in one fluid motion), "Midori the Wonderful! How can I help you… Youko-chan what a surprise… No I wasn't expecting any phone calls from the Professor… No… W-what?! The couch!! But honey bear!! …" With a defeated sigh, head down cast, the forever seventeen year old nodded, "Yes dear…"

* * *

Faster and faster she pushed – each turn taken tighter – closer. The winding mountain pass was dead as usual except for its lone companion. Around she weaved, peeking all limits; her speed, her reflexes, her senses… her heart. _Gopher._ "SHITT!!" From beneath the helm, the driver swore at the furry rodent, swerving to avoid it. Any normal driver would have been in serious danger – possibly plummeting off the cliff face – not Natsuki. Bike swaying, skidding furiously across the asphalt, the driver managed to regain control well before the guard rail – bike screeching to an abrupt halt.

A few hundred years up the road, the cause of this current fiasco stood. It looked at the young girl with that expression that seemed to say _"What the hell are you doing?"_ Enraged, Natsuki leapt from her Ducati, tearing her helmet free and hurtling it at the small fuzz ball with all her might, "Damn piece of shit!!" Across the road it scurried, back into the hidden passage it had seemingly come from. Muttering a few more silent curses, Natsuki stormed off to retrieve her helmet – that now lolled about the abandoned road. Slender fingers wrapping about the dark coloured helm – a silver wolf etched into its features – Natsuki couldn't help but smile. _Shizuru._

She had gotten it done for the young girl's birthday one year. After all the teasing and hinting to sexual gifts – she had sent the flustered girl into a panic – somehow during it all… sneaking off with her beloved helmet. The next morning when Natsuki had gone to retrieve the said item to drive the two to school, something upon its dark features caught her eye. Silver? Turning the hard shell in her hands, Natsuki could only gawk – behind the doorway, a half hidden Shizuru stood, excitedly watching her dear friend.

She had never been able to properly form a thanks – or at least one that could reflect her true inner feelings – but Shizuru seemed to understand. In return, Natsuki had a helmet specially made for her honey haired friend. A soft pink in colour, the helmet appeared considerably feminine… at first. However, the delicate etchings of a snake upon the left side and luscious sakura blossoms on the right, intertwining at the back seemed strange for a woman. To Shizuru… it was perfect. In fact, the artist of the engravings had flawlessly embezzled the older girl's love for the two objects, balancing them to perfection – as she had often told Natsuki. Of course, Natsuki didn't tell her that it was in fact herself who had done the work until a year later, on Shizuru's birthday, when she bought a matching riding suit to go with her precious gift.

"Shizuru…" As much as Natsuki hated to admit it, she missed the crimson haired woman. It hadn't even been a whole two days and Natsuki already missed her relentless teasing – even her "accidental" touches. Motionless beside her bike, Natsuki fought back the tears that brimmed at her lidded eyes, "Shizuru…" She whispered softly into the wind, "I miss you… I'm sorry…"

* * *

_Kyoto_

Wrapped in the familiar scent of lilies and sakura blossoms, a young woman lay resting. After her arrival at the airport – the final breaking of her mask – Shizuru lay at the brink of exhaustion. Little did she realize just how much holding those daunting tears in would toll upon her body when finally released. If it hadn't have been for her mother's loving embrace, the ex-Kaichou surely would have collapsed then and there – no longer able to bear the weight of reality.

Things hadn't changed since she had left – or at least what she saw of it. Her room lay in the exact order as she had left it. Even the few small teddy bears her father had gotten her some odd years ago still rested in their same order. Then only thing that had changed in her room was the tank along the side wall that now seemed empty. At one point it had held Shizuru's only pet – a snake. Burmese python to be exact. Her name? Lilith – after her deceased grandmother. Lilith – the human – had always spoiled her grandchild, even when she was no longer able to move. She had shown Shizuru love and laughter to the very end when Kami-sama had taken her away.

It was a twisted way to remember a loved one. Naming a snake after them. Many had questioned Shizuru's decision, concerned that the death had been too traumatic and she simply wasn't thinking straight. To Shizuru, the name couldn't be any more suiting, nor the animal. To her a snake was soft, majestic and strong. Always strong. No matter the odds faced against them, they were always magnificent – just like her grandmother. That and the fact that both Shizuru and her grandmother had shared a love for the slithering creatures that most found repulsive.

When her mother returned to check on her, Shizuru would have to ask her what had happened to her beloved Lilith. Hopefully her parents had not gotten rid of the pet as they had threatened to do so many times in the past. "Lilith…" The words slipped past her pale lips before sleep once again claimed the young Kyoto born – thoughts drifting back to a certain blue haired rebel that she had left back in the land of Fuuka.

* * *

Author Note: sorry it took so long for this chapter to go up. I've been a little stressed lately and when I'm stressed... I don't write well - not that I write well in general but you know. I actually finished this last night before going to bed... damn cold... makes me restless when I sleep so I don't want to sleep. If all goes well I have a bit of an idea of where I want to see this go so I'll start work on the next chapter. Though like you, I only have a glimmer of an idea of what will happen.

Haha, so guess we're both a little on the edge of our seats huh?

Well until next time! Ado

Ps: I love all the reviews, and want to thank everyone whose submitted one. They really egg me on to get my ass in gear and sometimes... actually give me ideas for plot bits to throw in. So keep them coming!

Luvs luvs


	6. Chapter 6

_**Letters: Part VI**_

* * *

It was dark by the time Natsuki entered the dorm room – Mai anxiously waiting on the couch with Mikoto curled in her lap. "Natsuki! Where have you been! I've been looking everywhere for you. Do you know what time it is?!"

Setting down her helmet on the coffee table, gloves inside, the dark haired girl turned tails for the kitchen. Ignoring the prior outburst, rummaging through the contents of the fridge, Natsuki finally relinquished words to her busty friend, "Mai, do you have any mayo?"

"Do I have mayo? Mayo?! That's all you can say! Natsuki it's almost midnight. You randomly show up at my doorstep two nights ago with nothing but your book bag and helmet. You were a wreck and I took you in, and this is how you thank me? By making me worry sick about you?!" No longer able to sit, the red head lurched from her seat, unfortunate for Mikoto as she was sent plummeting to the ground. If Natsuki wasn't so out of it she might have actually be terrified of her friend and what she just may do. Key word being _if_.

Jar of mayonnaise in one hand, spoon in the other, Natsuki stepped out of the kitchen solemnly, "Gomen Mai… I just… I've had a long day. I lost track of time. It won't happen again." Cocking her head, the young girl offered a soft smile, "Promise."

All previous tension washed away. With a sigh, Mai flopped back onto the couch, Mikoto scurrying back up and into the warmth of her "owner". One hand rubbing the ache in her temple, the other petting the young neko like girl, Mai shook her head, "It's alright. But Natsuki you can't keep leaving me in the dark. Is everything really okay between you and Shizuru-san? I mean you two have had arguments before – I know you've told me - but you've never left the apartment because of them…"

"I…uh… we just… its complex." _Was that all she could really say? Was it honestly that complex? Shizuru had purposely injured herself. Most likely because of something I did or didn't do. Regardless of what it was, I was ultimately the one to blame… again._

"Natsuki, who are you trying to kid? It's written all over your face… You know exactly what's wrong. You just… you won't say it will you?" A defeated look rested upon Mai's tender features. After all she was dealing with the acclaimed Ice Princess – the Lone Wolf – more to herself then anyone thought humanly possible. And the only one who had seemingly been able to work their way inside that impenetrable wall was none other then the great Kaichou herself; Shizuru. Though after all that had translated during the Carnival, Natsuki had opened more to the other Hime – but never as much as she did with Shizuru. Never.

A pop razed the silence – the mayonnaise seal was broken. Now, spoon heavily dowsed in the revolting white goop, Natsuki spooned it into her mouth. "I.. jwust think its somethin' I need…" Gulping down the stuff so not to spew any forth, she continued, "…to think about a bit more."

Too tired to move the short distance to the bed, Mai sufficed with the couch. Grabbing the nearby blanket and wrapping it about the already sleeping figure and herself, the busty woman stifled a yawn. "Go to sleep Natsuki it's late and we all have classes in the morning." Head nuzzling into the comforts of the cushion, the woman continued, "Oh, and you better sort things out with Shizuru soon. I'm kicking you out in four days." With that she was asleep.

"Nani?!" Natsuki leapt from her seat, spoon pointed at the guilty party… let me correct that: Snoring guilty party. Upon hearing that grating sound, the woman sighed, "Honestly…" _Damn this just doesn't taste the same…_ Capping the jar and re-shelving it in the fridge Natsuki walked off to the bathroom. _Maybe I should call her… _From the depths of some concealed pocket, Natsuki withdrew her silver flip phone. It was a little old – no as slender as some of the others – but it did the trick. Fingers punched that familiar pattern.

_Ring  
_

_Ring  
_

_Please Shizuru, please… pick up…_

* * *

_Kyoto_

"What a wonderful dinner dear." Wiping any remains of food from his lips a broad shouldered man leaned over, placing a kiss atop his wife's head.

"Ara, you're very welcome dear." The woman replied sweetly, tenderly brushing back some of his stray silvering locks. Of course, this wonderful moment couldn't last forever; things needed to be done. So rising to her feet, the woman cleared the table, taking the soiled dishes off into the next room over – presumably the kitchen.

Turning his focus to the only other one in the room, the man cleared his throat, smiling warmly, "So Shii-chan, how was your trip? Comfortable I hope."

"Hai Papa." Shizuru's father; Fujino Hirashi. A big man in the business world, loving father and faithful husband. That was him in a nutshell. Eyes of crimson, the Fujino marking, the man was built strong. Wide build, height nearing six feet, he towered over his short wife by nearly a foot! His once vibrant black locks were now tipped with bouts of silver here and there – time was doing its work. Just like his wife, he wore the few wrinkles proudly – most from smiling surprisingly. When he walked he carried a presence of authority and no one said otherwise.

"You're rather quiet dear, is everything alright? Your mother told me about what happened at the airport. If anyone hurt you, you just tell me Shii-chan and your Papa will take care of it." So typical of her father – as protective as ever. Shizuru couldn't help but smile, she was glad that some things never changed.

"Everything is alright Papa. I'll explain it all tomorrow, but for now I think I'm going to get some more rest." Excusing herself from the table, Shizuru stopped midway out, glancing back over her shoulder, "Ara, Papa, do you know what happened to my Lilith?"

Sweat drop moment. Nervously her father rubbed the back of his neck, "Ah… well… erm… you see… she ah…"

"Ara, father?"

"You must be tired Shii-chan. You go to sleep, we'll talk about your snake tomorrow. Night night!" He was definitely hiding something. Oh well. Tomorrow she would find out. Right now she was too tired to disagree.

Down the hall she walked, following those familiar steps. Sliding the door along its frame – tradition Japanese style sliding door – the young woman entered her room. A soft buzzing noise caught her attention. So digging through the folds of her jacket, where she knew the source to be, the woman took a glance at the screen display, hesitant: _Kuga Natsuki_.

* * *

Author Note: Oh God, two chapters in one week?! I must be ill!! ... oh wait... I am -;;

Anyways, I just want to say thank you to all my readers. Make a few notes/mentions here:

kikyo4ever: I have to say you're my most dedicated reviewer so anything you have to say I take personally to heart!

To explain the whole Shizuru home thing. Basically she hopped on a plane between chapters three and four. So Chapter four she's in Kyoto, and then just Chapter five I evolved that to she's at her home in Kyoto.

elfspirit7: Thanks hun, and here is your quick update - Thanks for all the reviews

Linnara: Don't worry I'll keep this piece going for as long as my little brain can think up plot bits!

**To everyone else this is important!!**

**I want you, the reader, to make a choice!**

**Will Shizuru pick up the phone, or will she leave it? You tell me what you want to see in the next chapter. I won't start writing it until at least the weekend so you've got time to get your voice posted. Now get going... post!**


	7. Chapter 7

_**Letters: Part VII**_

* * *

'_Pick up Shizuru… please just pick up!'_

* * *

Phone in hand, Natsuki was fidgeting nervously. The hollow echoing of each right dug at the inside of her already naked heart. _'Why is it only **she** can make me feel this way? Is… is it love? Gah stupid head! Focus Kuga. Phone. Now.' _Attention was turned back to the dull ringing. _'Pick up!'_

Just before voice mail was about to kick in, a soft click was heard on the other line. Faint breathing echoed through the phone. Though it was barely auditable the sound was unmistakable, "Shizuru!"

* * *

Shizuru had no intention of answering the call. After all it was Natsuki's fault for how things were right now. Natsuki who constantly confused her. Natsuki who pained her. Natsuki… who she loved oh so dear. Inside it tore at her, and frankly, Shizuru didn't feel up to a lecture this night.

However as the phone continued to ring in her hand, the honey haired woman grew nervous. What if it was something important? What if Natsuki was in danger and Shizuru was just being childish. The last ring. _Now or never Shizuru… _And just like that – without conscious control – the Kyoto beauty flipped the phone open.

Words didn't formulate - even when the other yelled out her name into the seemingly dead line. Breath hitched, seemingly impaired, her mind cried '_Natsuki.'_

* * *

It was impossible to mistake; the soft inhaling and exhaling of her perfect counterpart. For some reason she was oddly silent. No teasing. No outlandish remarks. _She's still mad…_ _or perhaps still hurting?_ _Need to say something… quick!_ Yet words didn't come. Just like Shizuru, the bluenette was at a loss for words. Natsuki knew why she had called – knew the things she needed to tell the other – but when faced with the ordeal, Shizuru so close, yet so far, Natsuki was dumbfounded.

"I… Shizuru… I…" Was the way she began only to be cut off by a soft smile she could only imagine through the phone. The voice was soft – fake. Fist clenched Natsuki belittled herself for lacking the courage. The courage to ease the other's sorrows. The courage to say, perhaps not those three simple words, but something to the effect. _Coward!_ Inside Shizuru was breaking, and Natsuki could hear it on the edges of her speech. The way she carried her words – a sorrow rang clear through the receiver. '_Again. Again she's wearing her mask… Please Shizuru… you don't have to hide from me any more. I'm here for you. I… I… I love you…' _The words toyed with her mind and tongue alike. Though her mind screamed them, demanding to be heard, her tongue silenced the action before it was even capable of beginning.

* * *

_I can't let her think anything is wrong. I must compose myself, no matter how much it hurts. _"Ara, Natsuki what a surprise." _Not really._ "To what do I owe the pleasure of your call? Miss me already?" _ Ha like that would ever happen. Who are you trying to kid Shizuru… _As usual she maintained that calm, composure, yet inside she was a sea of turmoil raging with hurt and doubt.

In need of a physical release of the mounding emotions, the older of the two reached for one of the many stuffed animals that lined the wall. Now within her shaking grasp a miniature silver wolf provided a comforting softness. A wolf… How fitting.

* * *

Not fast enough. Unable to formulate anything. So very Natsuki like. Cheeks flushed red at the teasing remark, even if it was only to conceal the pain – the inevitable. "S-s-shizuru… please… h-h-hear me… out." To lose her again… Natsuki couldn't bear the thought. Though even when presented with such a dilemma, the young girl found herself unable to say it. "I… I… can we talk? In person? There's something I need to tell you that's really important." Natsuki paused for a minute. _What if she's busy? Of course she's busy! She's got a life outside of me. That girl has fans galore._ "If you're busy I understand." The words came rushed, forced almost. She didn't want to have Shizuru feel obligated to see her. "I… I can wait. So… so tell me when you're available to talk okay? Thanks Shizuru." Everything came out in one big blurb, and beet red, Natsuki stood motionless within the confined bathroom, staring intently at the tiles below. "S-s-sleep well!" And with that Natsuki slammed the phone shut. Not out of anger. No, never. Simply out of… embarrassment?

* * *

Shizuru blinked down at surprise at the now dead line. Had Natsuki just asked to speak with her? Phone tossed half hazardly upon the mound of material and clothes, also known as a suitcase, the woman let out a sigh. She needed to get this all out before it consumed her as usual. So laptop in hand, Shizuru began plodding away at the keys. It was strange how she found solace within writing to an address she knew Reito-kun no longer used. Yes, that was correct. Even the great Fujino Shizuru wrote letters. Letters that would never be opened. Never be read. Or so she thought.

* * *

**Author Note:** Apologies!! The week I posted two chapters... well... the next week was basically exams ahoy and I haven't had the time to write.

Officially I have two exams left to write before I'm done and summer comes so bear with me.

I want to thank everyone who put in a vote. As you can tell Shizuru picks up. It's awkward and yadda yadda yadda.

I'm thinking of doing an alternate version of this chapter... where she doesn't pick up. It all depends on how things go.

So this chapter was short (brain dead aka writers block).

Next chapter should be much much longer.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Letters: Part VIII_**

* * *

_  
Dear Reito-kun:_

_I have arrived safely in Kyoto. My flight landed earlier then expected. When I finally saw O__kaasan, she seemed older then I remember. Wrinkles have framed her pale complexion. She doesn't walk with the same air of grace I've always known her to. At dinner this evening as Okaasan and Otousan talked – they lacked the business edge they used to always speak with. I'm not sure if it is I or if it is them, but something is different. This house is no longer the place I grew up in – even if nothing has changed. I have changed. I am no longer that young child, clinging to her father's leg, begging to be held. I am no longer that girl who would sneak into the kitchen while my mother was baking sweets – only to be batted away with a smile and told treats would come after chores and after supper. It is I who carries a tainted love, despite all my proper training: despite all I've known to be true. This is a false love. A wrong love. Yet, unlike everything else in my life, I haven't the foggiest idea how to change it. How to make it right._

_Natsuki called this evening. Her voice… it was rushed. Confused. The words she spoke came in bouts of panic – as if they burned in the back of her throat and the only way to quench that flame was to spew it forth. To be honest, I hoped that she would call. I miss her. Her voice. Her frown. Her blush. She is my life; my everything; my ecstasy. No matter how much I get, it is never enough. I am always left craving more. Even if she were only calling to yell at me, to call me childish, I wouldn't mind. So long as I could hear her again. Selfish isn't it? I don't recall my parents ever raising me to be selfish – assertive and determined to achieve my desires yes – but never selfish._

_My head spins with uncertainty; my heart lost. But for a moment during that conversation… I could have sworn she sounded as lonely as I. Perhaps it was my mind playing cruel tricks upon me, but I am almost certain… Natsuki was hurting. Hurting not because of what had transpired, well perhaps, but more so hurt to be alone. Just as I hurt to be alone; without her presence to reassure me. Though as I stated, that was most likely my mind playing tricks upon my already broken heart. _

_She asked to talk to me. In person. Over what I know not, but a know wells up in my stomach everything I dare to think… she's leaving me. Again. Tired of me, Natsuki has grown to be her own person. With no longer a need for me, she shall excuse me from her life – ridding herself of that thorn in her side. _

_I would love to say I may be over analyzing things, but unfortunately… I fear… I may be right. It is for the best, but still my heart cries out. It fears to be alone. Without her. Over the years she has become my air, the life force to keep me going. Without her I fear what I might do, where I may fall. Yet another selfish bit of behaviour. Was it Fuuka that has made me so selfish? Or was it Natsuki?_

Unable to write anymore, the tears that had always been so carefully held back were spewing forth. Streaking down her delicate features and onto the keypad below, Shizuru wiped at her eyes – an attempt to silencer her tears. Yet they would have none of it. Too long had they listened to her. Too long had they been held back. The brief moment in time at the airport had not been enough. No, they screamed to be free. To fall without care. For the second time in her life, Shizuru felt unable to control the actions in her life. First Natsuki, now this…

In hast, Shizuru typed in the address, hitting enter to send her latest confession. A heavy weight seemed to fall free as the message upon the screen popped up, reading: Message Sent. To Shizuru, writing her confessions had helped to ease her struggles. Helped to lessen the burden upon her heart – even if just a bit. Of course, the address she was continually sending to was Reito Kanzaki's old email address. It was the one he and Shizuru had used often during their high school days to communicate. However, after he had left some odd years ago, the account had never been used. It was dropped, just as he had dropped his life in Fuuka. So every piece that she wrote – every tear she shed – would never be seen. Or so she thought.

After what seemed like forever, the onslaught of tears died down, a certain realization hitting her: Natsuki didn't know she was in Kyoto. In fact, Natsuki most likely thought she was still at the apartment they shared. If she were to visit it she would instantly know Shizuru had left. _'After all,' _Shizuru glanced over at the small pointed edge that protruded from her suitcase, _'I took our picture…' _There, nuzzled between the folds of clothes, was the picture Natsuki had given to her when they had first moved in together. It was a picture of the two in the flower garden where they had first met – Shizuru had snuck up behind a napping young blunette, administering a soft kiss to her cheek. Of course, that kiss had caused the said girl to wake from her slumber in shock – an adorable pink racing onto her facial features. Neither had noticed at the time, but not so far away, a certain individual sat in hiding, camera oh so conveniently in hand. Though she had never told Shizuru, Chie Harada had dangled the photo before Natsuki, teasing her and even suggesting the picture might just make it onto the front cover of their school newspaper. That was unless Natsuki could come up with some better gossip. In a panic, she had searched everywhere.

A week later, Natsuki was finally able to come up with a suitable trade for the image. She never told me what it was exactly, only that she had struck a deal with the Queen of Gossip and the picture was her "reward". She had also said she was unable to get rid of the picture and thought I might like it. Natsuki couldn't have been any more right. I loved the picture. I had even gone out of my way to personally thank Chie, who oddly enough only smirked at me and gave me the thumbs up.

Since that day, I never went anywhere without the picture. I had a duplicate made for Natsuki's wallet and one for my purse, but the original always came with me if I was going somewhere important and would not be back within the next twenty four hours. It was a sure sign as to if I were going to be gone for any lengths of time… not that I didn't inform Natsuki ahead of time. However, if she were to go back to the apartment now, the young girl just might go into a panic if she didn't find me there…

"Nothing I can do to change that right now…" Shizuru mumbled into her pillow as sleep tugged at her heavy lids. "I'll just have to…" A yawn escaped from her, "… call Natsuki tomorrow to tell her where I am. She should be fine…" Shizuru toyed with the thought of her Natsuki for a few moments before sleep consumed her.

* * *

It had taken the rest of her energy – one simple phone call. Was it just her or during her talk with Shizuru had the line been unusually… silent? Well not silent as in lack of conversation… okay well there had been that too, but that was more her fault then Shizuru's. After all, she hadn't let the other girl talk – and had subsequently hung up on her… _Damn… Oh well I can't change that. I'll just have to apologize for that tomorrow. _Though what she meant by silent – this was going to sound crazy – but no airlines. Shizuru had always complained about the sound of loud aircrafts flying overhead. She claimed it disrupted her light sleeping patters. Of course Natsuki didn't doubt this; Shizuru was her opposite in many ways – sleeping being just one of them. While Shizuru slept lightly, Natsuki slept like a rock. The planes had never occurred to her when they had picked the place. Maybe that was why rent was so cheap…

It worried her a little, to think that perhaps Shizuru wasn't at home. That meant she wasn't safe… wait! How did Shizuru not being at their apartment make her in danger? Wasn't she in danger if she was there? Alone? Orbs of emerald shot wide open – any trace of sleep long gone. Shizuru could be in trouble! And by her being at Mai's, Natsuki wouldn't be able to do a thing.

Down she bit on the tender flesh of her lip. Why had she been so careless as to leave Shizuru alone?! Sure the people in the complex where nice – but that didn't include the people outside the apartment. Just down the street, past the old convenient store a bunch of sketchy teenagers liked to gather. Smoking or dealing drugs, God only knows what they did, Natsuki was sure they even had weapons! And she was even more sure she had seen some of them eye Shizuru with a hunger in their eyes.

Rising to her feet Natsuki was heading for the front door: she had to make sure Shizuru was alright. Keys in hand, the young woman turned the door know, a sudden pulsing in her other hand stopping the complete turning notion. _A text? _Emerald eyes glared down at the screen of her phone. It was an unknown number. Who had her number? From what she knew, only a handful of people had her number and that was the way she liked to keep it. So who could this be? Flipping the screen up, Natsuki shot it an icy glare, as if in doing so she would frighten whoever had just stopped her from reaching Shizuru. _Huh?_ Natsuki scanned over the text again: _Reito… Kanzaki? The ex-Vice President of the Students Council? The one who seemed so airy? Who loved Mai? The Obsidian Lord? That Reito Kanzaki?_ Natsuki stared in disbelief. The phone message repeating in her mind:

* * *

_Good Evening Natsuki Kuga._

_As I am sure, you're wonder who this is and how they have your number._

_You see, Mai-san was kind enough to give it to me._

_She has been worried about you as of late, and asked me for a bit of help._

_As you know I am in no true position to help, seeing as how I only know you through the details Shizuru-san relinquished once or twice, and the brief description from Mai …_

_As well as your famous reputation at Fuuka._

_Well this strays from the point so here is what was meant to be said:_

_I am sure you have come to the realization that Shizuru is not exactly where she should be._

_Though I cannot tell you exactly where the young woman is, I would like to warn you before you do anything rash: give her some time to think._

_Recently I stumbled across some information._

_When Mai asked me to help I did a little digging._

_Whether you know it or not, Shizuru-san is going through a bit of a rough patch as I am sure you are as well (whether you'll admit it or not is another story)._

_Your words and actions affect her more then you know Natsuki._

_So, just be careful. And choose your next steps wisely._

_ Reito Kanzaki_

* * *

"What the…" Natsuki wasn't sure whether to scream or whether to laugh: What did Reito know? How did he know how Shizuru was feeling? Unless… "She wouldn't…" A twinge of pain shot through her chest. Keys clattered to the ground, Natsuki soon followed. Shizuru wouldn't turn to him would she? Sure they were friends but… but… "Aren't I her most important person? The one she should turn to… unless… maybe…" The questions echoed in the small entrance way. Mai – clad in her usual bright, cheerful pajamas – sauntered out, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Mou… Natsuki… What are you still doing up? Don't you have classes tomorrow?" Without another word, Mai took her hand, dragging her back towards where she had come. "Honestly, Shizuru-san leaves you for a few days and you become a hopeless wreck."

"Shizuru!" The young girl blurted out, holding back a sob, "S-she left? Mai! Where did she go? Why did she… why did she go?!" The tears broke free and for the first time since her mother's death, Natsuki truly felt weak.

A warm comforting set of arms embraced her – though they weren't her mother's and they weren't Shizuru's. They were Mai's. The orange haired woman did her best to sooth her breaking soul. _'Help me… Shizuru…'_

"Shhh… Natsuki…" I'm sorry. Don't cry." Mai whispered softly, "Everything will be okay. You just need to get some rest. We'll talk about it in the morning… neh?"

All she could do was nod and even that felt difficult. She felt broken. Lost. Alone. Curling up on the spare bed, the blunette clutched her pillow for dear life. A fresh batch of tears leaking out and into the soft material. _'Shizuru… is this how you feel? Every time I turn you away? Every time I avoid the subject? Shizuru… I miss you… I'm so sorry… for everything…'_

* * *

Author Note: Alright... here is the "long" chapter, though I'm not as pleased with it. Right now is just a lot of running in circles and quite a bit of what I feel Ooc on both characters part. Though, now with both their hearts striped bare, will they be able to heal each others hurts? I'm hoping that to be the case in the chapters to come xP

To Clarify a Couple Things:

To Hardly Quinn Davidson and who ever else was confused about the "letters" I mentioned in the last chapter; those were simply the emails Shizuru has been writing to Reito. It is more explained in this chapter about the whole "Or so she thought" situation, but not much. That will be for future chapters.

Ah... yes! I brought Reito in! In the strangest, most random way ever! (Don't hate me?) Maybe he and Mai can play cupid for the lost couple?

So a chapter packed with emotional goodies... yay! Drama...?

I want to take a moment to thank all my reviewers and all my readers. (Thank you elfspirit 7 - here's your quick update; pri815 fingers crossed Natsuki fesses huh?; kikyo4ever - the vote was actually, I thought, amazingly more for not picking up then one might expect. Well in this chapter you get a bit of a Natsuki conclusion jumping. Haha, I saw it in another fanfic a while back and really wanted to use that concept; chum-sa - it was short, so here is a long one... just for the viewers; Linnara - Agreed! Natsuki is always a bit... clueless when it comes to life not involving guns, motorcycles and mayo. It's a given with her character that she's going to make a lot of these little stupid mistakes that you or I would see as common sense. As they say: common sense... apparently isn't so common lol)


	9. Chapter 9

_**Letters: Part IX**_

* * *

The first rays of light snuck through the curtains. Curled – or rather wrapped intricately – within her blankets, a certain blue haired beauty issued a groan. Sleep had come in fits. Just as she would begin to drift off – a shrilling cry would thrust her back into full awareness. Whose cries were they exactly? Why did they break her heart? Because they sounded unerringly like Shizuru's… and Natsuki couldn't do a thing to stop them.

With each passing moment the sun seemed to grow stronger – urging her up. Issuing a growl, the ice princess tossed the sheets roughly away. On the bed stand next to the bed red digits flashed 6:20. "What the hell!" Any thoughts or feelings of sleep drained from her body. This was the oddest thing. Natsuki: awake before noon or massive luring involving a certain white tangible substance.

"Uhggg… no use trying to go back to bed…" She muttered to no one in particular. Still dressed in her clothes from last night – several wrinkles creasing the material - Natsuki sluggishly made her way into the kitchen. There she knew Mai would be, most likely singing to herself as she bustled about at this ungodly hour.

Heh, just as she had guessed. At times Mai could be just as predictable as Shizuru. It was a comforting reassurance… most of the time. First Mai would stir the three pots on the stove – most likely Mikoto's breakfast – then she would move to the counter, dicing various items – most likely Mikoto's breakfast as well. Natsuki she was always amazed at how much the little cat like girl could pack away. And to top it off there wasn't an inch of fat on her! Unlike Natsuki who was constantly working to keep off the calories that her addiction imposed upon her; all Mikoto did was eat and sleep. No extra work outs. Nothing. And she didn't appear to gain a pound! It just wasn't fair. And well Shizuru… well she just always had a perfect figure…

"Nat…suki?" The said woman didn't realize she was staring off into space until Mai's voice tossed her from her artificial fantasy. Of what exactly? Well most of Shizuru's perfectly proportioned body modeling Natsuki's favourite lingerie. Like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar, Natsuki froze, a look of shock and horror upon her face. This was soon replaced by a heat building up on her cheeks – followed by her entire face. As if Mai could read thoughts Natsuki began to panic, arms frantically waving back and forth before her, an attempt to justify her prior actions (as if Mai knew).

"I wasn't thinking about Shizuru's body… I swear!!"

Mai wasn't sure which to be more shocked at: Natsuki's confession or the fact that she was up at the crack of dawn… without any incentive and/or yelling, screaming, kicking/flailing.

Realizing what she had just admitted to, Natsuki turned an inhuman shade of crimson – seemingly all blood ceased to flow to their normal parts and instead flowed to her face. Unable to face Mai, Natsuki spun around, nearly smacking into the nearby wall before storming out of the kitchen.

All the while Mai simply watched in shock. That is until Natsuki left the room with a defeated pout. Mai doubled over in laughter. Honestly, Natsuki had to be the most simple and easiest soul to tease… without even trying!

A walk; it would be the perfect way to cool off and give her time to figure out just what she was going to do about Shizuru. Reito's text last night had been cryptic as well as straight forward. However, the only thing that truly stuck was the fact that she was to blame. Before she realized where her feet had carried her, Natsuki found herself standing before and apartment door. The neighbourhood was quiet – it was rather early in the morning after all. To the right of the door a name plate hung. It read: Kuga/Fujino Residence. Yep, this place was her and Shizuru's alright.

Inserting the key in the lock, the twisting the knob, Natsuki's heart began pumping wildly. Was it true? What he had said? Was Shizuru really that angry with her that she had left? True they had fought, but Natsuki didn't think it was that big of a deal. Of course, she was rather drunk – whether Shizuru had noticed it or not – and couldn't remember much about that night. All she knew was the Spider was being an idiot, and she had come back and found Shizuru had hurt herself. It was more then one girl could take on a given night. Also, the twenty-seven cans of beers after their fight had landed Natsuki such a killer headache that she did not even have a chance to think about the fight. That was until now; as she stood in front of the space they shared. "It was our first fight…" Natsuki said with a soft chuckle. _And it was a stupid fight._

Pushing the door open, Natsuki stepped into a dark apartment. Usually by now, Shizuru would be up, the curtains all drawn open and a yummy smell emanating from the kitchen. None of that here. Wandering through the abandoned house, a sad expression filled her face. It felt almost like the time before the Carnival, when she had visited her mother's old office; the old memories. Times of laughter; smiles. Times of sorrow. True, she and Shizuru didn't always agree. Like the way Natsuki had a habit of leaving everything disorganized, while Shizuru had everything perhaps a little too organized.

A soft chuckle left her pale lips. As odd of a duo as they were… Natsuki wouldn't change anything. Life with Shizuru had become… natural. Without it, things just felt so odd. Staying at Mai's; knowing Shizuru wasn't in the next room over… "Heh, guess the saying is true… you don't miss what you have until it's gone."

Through the house she went. Firs the kitchen, not a single dish was out of place. Even though Natsuki knew Shizuru would have had a cup or two of tea before she left. She was addicted after all. Next was the bathroom; no purple tooth brush only Natsuki's dark blue one sat alone upon the shelf. _'Why didn't I take that…' _ The dark haired woman wondered. _'Oh yeah… I was still hung over… all I remembered was a few pieces of clothes, keys, driving things and… that's it… hm…'_ Finally Natsuki found herself standing at the door to the Kyoto borns' room. Hesitantly, she opened the door, her heart skipping a beat.

She was gone; _it_ was gone. The frame with the picture of them that never left Shizuru's night table, unless she went somewhere over night or for longer… it wasn't there. Back against the wall she stumbled, sliding down its smooth surface and to the cold ground. The frame was gone. Reito was right, but how? After his graduation he had vanished from Fuuka. Did Shizuru still talk to him? Was she with him? Maybe she left to be with him and that message was simply to stir the already stirred pot.

Shaking her head, blue locks swaying back and forth across her face, Natsuki silenced the thoughts before they could cause any more damage, "Shizuru said she loves me… I have to hold faith that she still feels that way…" Clutching her chest, Natsuki sighed, "Because if she doesn't… I don't know how I'll go on."

* * *

_  
Kyoto_

At the crack of dawn she was up. It was a habit, and a good one at that. Unlike Natsuki, Shizuru felt it was a waste to sleep past eight in the morning. There were always so many things you could do in a day and the earlier you were to rise, the sooner you could begin. After all, once the work was out of the way, then one could play. That and it was comforting – relaxing if you will – to not have to rush madly about the house before work or school. She honestly had no idea how Natsuki could do it almost every morning.

After showering and brushing out her locks of honey, Shizuru wandered out to the kitchen where she knew her parents to be, they were the ones to teach her the values of rising early after all. Sitting at the small table, her father sipped at his morning tea as he flipped through the paper, her mother busily behind him making the morning meal.

"Ara, good morning Shizuru dear!" It was where she learned the phrase "ara" from, as well as many others – her mother. Warm smile, she abandoned the dough and flour she had laid out to give her daughter a comforting hug; careful not to get any of the floor upon her. From his morning paper her father glanced upward, "Good morning dear."

"Morning Okaasan. Otousan." Shizuru said politely, offering her mother a hug in return and her father a kiss atop the head before taking her seat at the table. Before she could even think to get a cup of tea, her mother beat her to the punch. A fresh cup was placed before her; any wonder where she had acquired her addiction from? It wasn't even seven in the morning and her father, she was sure, was on his third cup.

Breakfast had been small, but filling. Home made croissants, fresh fruit and bubuzuke. Usually it was Shizuru who was always in charge of cooking. If Natsuki ever set foot near the stove… it more often then not resulted in being suffocated by thick layers of black smoke and the landlord rushing to our door, phone in hand, with the fire department on hold. As cute as it was to see a flustered Natsuki attempt to explain, it was also nice not to encounter near death experiences. So it was agreed that Natsuki would let Shizuru do the cooking. However, it was always nice for a change to be waited on… especially when the meals were her mother's… Just something about home made dishes…

Despite the fact that her father had matters to attend to this morning he had promised Shizuru that they would catch up at dinner. Perhaps he would make reservations to the Tofu house they all loved… While being hustled out of the door by my mother (he was going to be late), he stated my mother and I should have a mother-daughter day… just not to drain the accounts in the process. I couldn't help but chuckle. He knew us too well. Alone we were what the world called "moderate" shoppers, but together… now that was a different story all together. We both shared similar tastes -- and let's just say it wasn't a cheap taste. We knew that the money was never lacking, no matter how much father joked – so we indulged. Another of my accumulating list of sins it seems.

I was thrown from my thoughts as my mother tapped my shoulder, "Neh, Shizuru honey, we don't need to go if you don't want to…" It was uncharacteristic of me to be so off in space. Surely my parents were concerned, especially after the fiasco at the airport.

"No Okaasan, it's alright. I would love to go." I wasn't lying. It had been quite sometime since I had any chance to see my mother let alone do anything together with her. It would be a nice change.

* * *

So that's how we ended up at the Kyoto shopping district. That's how we managed to buy quite a few… pricey items each. And that's how Natsuki knew where I was. She was always my one true weakness – aside from my parents.

When she called my mother and I were breaking for lunch. Already we had each purchased a silk kimono and a few pieces of jewelry. The restaurant was nice enough. Not many people knew about it, but it served the best sushi in all of Kyoto (Author Note: I don't like sushi… but I'm sure Shizuru does ;; ). From the outside it was worn; rundown, but on the inside it was a paradise. They say looks can be deceiving and they're right. Just look at me; I am a prime example.

Anyways, she called just after the dishes were set before us. My mother and I both jumped, we were so startled. Neither of us were expecting a call. Well, I should have made one, but I was going to wait until we got home. Natsuki wouldn't be awake until then.

But when she called, she sounded tired. Not as in you just wake up tired, but tired as in no sleep tired. She had asked me how I was doing, starting conversation normal. Though somewhere within that soft voice, I could hear a sorry. Perhaps I was to blame for that underlying pained expression… But how could I make Natsuki sad? Of course just then my mother had to speak up saying something to the effect of, "Shizuru dear, who is that?"

Then and there I hit my palm to my forehead. I wanted to tell Natsuki I wasn't at our house, yes, but tell her exactly where I was? I don't know if I wanted to tell her that… yet.

"Shizuru, who is that?"

"Shizuru we had better hurry and finish. We don't want your father to get worried now do we?"

It was as if my mother was plotting against me. That warm smile across her lips spelling my doom.

"Shizuru? Was that your mother? You're in Kyoto aren't you? Please Shizuru… just tell me…"

Since she already knew there was no point in denying it. "Yes Natsuki, I am in Kyoto. I thought a visit with my parents might be nice."

"When are you coming back?" Did she sound… distraught? No. It was nothing more then my imagination.

"Two weeks. Maybe longer. It all depends on how well things go while I'm here. I am sorry but our 'talk' will have to wait until I return." More harsh then necessary but wasn't she the one who was breaking my heart? The entire reason I was here?

"Ah… okay… um… I… I should get going. Don't want to get in the way of your time with your mother…"

"Ara, Natsuki is considerate." I could picture the blush forming upon her wondrous cheeks.

"Mou Shizuru!" She whined through the phone, "I'm not… I just…" A heavy sigh echoed through the phone, "…I miss you…"

She missed me? My mouth could only hang open in shock. Natsuki missed me? Of all the people… "I miss you too Natsuki." I didn't even have to think, the words came naturally. For once, a soft hue of pink adorned **my **cheeks. A few more moments passed before we both hung up. But Natsuki, my Natsuki… she… she missed me…

* * *

**Author Note:** Yeah, yeah, I know I took forever... what can I say? I mean I had it all written up... I was just too tired to type it up. In the last two weeks I've worked almost 1oo hours and I'm zonked. I pretty much just come home, read, pass out.

Now, I'm really at a cross roads for this piece. I think I need to wrap it up soon before I lose focus and never finish it. So be prepared for some massive make up or break up!!

I'm not going to put up a time for when I'll have the next chapter; remember, the semi-brilliance comes in waves! Waves I tell you!

Also, I'm working on a few other pieces... Rain Drops and Captured in the Moment... hope to have those up someday... preferably before I die. With me luck.

Oh!! AND REVIEW!!

Ps: I am featured in ManiazAzn new piece Point Blank. You should really check it out; I'm going to win!! How you ask? When it's a team thing? OO Easy... close your eyes... and shoot!!


	10. Chapter 10

**_Letters: Part X_**

* * *

Natsuki threw her phone violently against the wall, the small device holding surprisingly well. A low issued growl resounded through the small space. _Damn thing should have broke! _

Shizuru was far from home, with her parents no less. Natsuki shouldn't be upset. After all, if she had had parents she would have probably have visited them too. So what upset her? What was causing the tears to brim in her already blood shot eyes? Maybe it was the fact that… Shizuru wasn't coming home and Natsuki knew – she was the only one to blame.

* * *

Dinner was nice; quiet. As expected her father had taken them to the wonderful tofu restaurant just past the shopping district. Outside, the bustle of the market streets started to die along with the fading sun. Inside idle chatter filtered through; in one ear out the other. Shizuru sat across from her parents, all struggling to maintain conversation. Nothing had truly been spoken about the airport incident… and no one held any discernible desire to start it. However, with that being said, the other conversation Shizuru had been dreading was instead brought to light.

"So Shizuru who was that phone call from earlier?" The middle aged woman, also known as Shizuru's mother, asked – drawing a raised brow from the man beside her. "I would like to meet this masked hero who managed to make my little girl blush."

Before Shizuru could even manage a reply her father was leaning halfway across the table, both hands resting upon it (very un-business like) "Who did what?!" He bellowed, catching everyone off guard and sending the entire restaurant into a state of utter silence. All of the sudden stares brought the usually un-phased (courtesy of Natsuki) woman to a nervous panic.

In a hush voice, Shizuru motioned urgently for her father to seat himself normally again. When that failed, Shizuru followed a different tactic. "Ara, Father, your jaw is resting upon the table, as well as your elbows. Where are your manners?" Manners and edicate: two essential qualities of a Fujino.

"My…. Mouth?" As if staring down to the open appendage would reveal some grand mystery her father could only blink, "Eh?" How very un-Fujino like. Enough so to send Shizuru and her mother into a fit of laugher. Around them conversations had resumed, no longer were they the center of attention - much to Shizuru's relief.

It took the powerful businessman a few more moments to compose himself (mainly to close his gaping mouth and remove his elbows from the table). "Honey, my apologies but what about this blush? I haven't seen my little girl blush since she was… well I don't think I don't think I ever have!" It was an emotional revoluation as the supposed "man" of Kyoto" began to water at the eyes; tears close to release. "It isn't fair!" Now he was being just childish and both Shizuru and her mother watched in amazement.

"Papa… I…" Was all she got out before being silenced by a wave from her father.

"No Shi-chan, it's okay, don't tell your Papa. He's old and of course doesn't need to know." He was so over dramatic… Actually he was the perfect actor and all those times Shizuru had mercilessly played at Natsuki… now she was getting a taste of her own medicine.

"Papa will you listen to me?"

A few more sniffles and well placed tears before the man agreed, "Yes dear, anything you wish." All the while Shizuru's mother sat silently smirking at the exchange.

"It was Natsuki."

"Natsuki?" Came the puzzled response by both parents, her mother choosing now to enter the conversation, "Natsuki the girl you went to school with and live with? That Natsuki?"

Eyes rolling, Shizuru combated sarcastically, "No Mother, the Natsuki from the grocery store who packs bags… yes of course the Natsuki I live with!"

"What is _your_ Natsuki saying to make you blush?" It was now her father who spoke again.

"N-n-nothing… she was just being cute."

"Cute? Over the phone?" Both of her parents were now well beyond confused.

To avoid further questions Shizuru quickly brought up a question of her own, "Okaa-san, Ota-san, where is Lilith? I haven't seen her anywhere at home?"

"Y-y-your snake? Honey… I'm sure… it's fine?" Both parents gulped simultaneously, giving each other nervous glances all the while avoiding eye contact with their daughter.

* * *

It wasn't a hard decision to make. When you finally realize you're about to lose the one person in life who means more to you then life itself – the gears just kind of start to click, you know?

_Flashback_

"Oi! Natsuki! Come back here! Where are you going? Why are you stealing all my sandwiches I made for lunch?!" A flustered Mai was stalking Natsuki about the small space as the latter stormed about 'hording and gathering' many items into her black backpack. "Hey! That's my cell phone charger!"

Finally, I recognized the fact that my friend was there yelling at me. I spun about fast on my feet waving the charger at her frantically, "I'm borrowing it! So deal!"

With a sarcastic smile, Mai rose her hands and shoulders in a shrug, "Oh, borrowing it? So does this mean you're just 'borrowing' our lunch as well?" A sigh echoed through the now silent space. "Natsuki, what's going on?"

I could lie – but where would that get me? Honestly it was just better to tell the truth. After all I was taking Mikoto's lunch – which would make the small Neko girl rather upset when she found out. "I'm going to Kyoto." I said flatly, gaze unable to meet (I'm sure) the shocked orbs of my friend. Now, with my voice barely above a whisper, feet shuffling nervously, I continued, "I'm… I'm (A/N: refer to omake) going to bring Shizuru back."

A small smile crept upon her features. With a reassuring pat (or more like smack) on the back, Mai chimed, "It's about time!"

'_About time? What the hell was she talking about?' _My brow twitched as I fought the internal debate: To yell or not to yell, yes that was the question.

_End Flashback_

* * *

Of course it did take me a lot of time, poking (or hitting) from friends before I was ever able to come remotely to understanding how I feel now. But I think what truly made it all stick… was Shizuru.

Out of no where a truck began to turn, cutting the my small motorcycle off, and "God damn it!" I swerved away, avoiding calamity by mere millimeters. Speeding up until I was level with the truck's window I laid on my horn, blaring it while shouting profanities (which he could not hear) and offering him a few not so polite gestures (I'm sure you can guess which one in particular). The man had almost caused my bike to crash and at current speed… it would have been lethal. But being lethal was far from my thoughts. All I could focus on was a certain chestnut haired woman that rested a few hours away in a city that I didn't know. Kyoto. Population: 1,464,990.

Oh, did I mention… I don't know even remotely where she lives?

* * *

Omake:

Natsuki: -Sigh- Mai I'm... I'm... I'm straight

Mai: -Faints-

Shizuru: Natsuki!!

Natsuki: -Blinks, puzzled- Shizuru?

Mikoto: Mikoto!!

Everyone: -Sweat drop-

Shizuru: -Sighs and hands Natsuki the script- Natsuki did you even read your lines?

Natsuki: Of course I read my lines!! -Quickly re-reads- O-o;; Oh...

Shizuru: -Nods- Oh is right

Natsuki: -Rubs back of neck nervously- Gomen, I misread the line. See I must have mixed your name up with the word straight. Therefore came the statement: I am straight.

Mikoto: -Nods madly- (But in reality has no idea what is going on)

Kitara: -Pokes Mikoto and whispers- She stole your lunch

Mikoto: -Demon rage-

Natsuki: -Oblivious to oncoming doom-

Shizuru: I forgive you this time Natsuki, but only if you say _it_.

Natsuki: What?! Why do I have to say _it!_?

Shizuru: -Sniffles- Does my Natsuki no longer think it to be true? Is that why she will not say it?

Natsuki: -Enter panic mode- T-t-t-that is not true!!

(Background) Kitara: -Snickers-

Natsuki: What are you laughing at!? This is a serious moment!!

Kitara: -Points at the pull like Mikoto preparing to charge- Payback

Natsuki: AHH!! Payback for what?! I did not do anything to you!!

Kitara: Er... true... no wait! You read my script wrong and made Shizuru cry!

Natsuki: That... no... wait.. I did not mean to! Honest!

Kitara: This will teach you and all others who dare to make the same mistake -Strikes a pose where one hand is upon her hip while the other hand is pointed high in the air- Learn your lines... or die!!

(Mikoto charges)

(Natsuki runs for life)

Shizuru: Ara, Author, was that really necessary?

Kitara: Eh? Of course it was!

Shizuru: -Raises eyebrow-

Kitara: -Gulps- Okay... maybe not ... that much... but she did not say _it!_

Shizuru: -Ponders- Author does make a very good point...

Kitara: (Kitara 1: Natsuki 0) Tea! I suggest we go make tea!

Shizuru: Tea? -Brows raise in a good way- Lead the way!

Kitara: -Does a victory dance- (Kitara 2: Natsuki... 0)

Author Note: Okay! No idea where that omake was going... but anyways... I am winning!!

Anyways, sorry for the delayed update; still working my buns off and not really getting all that much time to write. School is starting up soon so expect little writing from me. Sadly, my first year at University... I want to pass!! Ehhemm -cough cough- I mean I want to achieve a 3.0 GPA grade within my program. -Pulls out note pad and pen-


	11. Chapter 11

_**Letters: Part XI**_

* * *

If anyone said it was ever easy: they lied. Life isn't easy. In fact it is the most bloody confusing thing ever! One moment you're sitting on the couch, playing video games, with your best friend humming softly to herself while making dinner, and the next? The next you're fighting, she leaves, you feel like an idiot, and then it all finally clicks. The fact that you can't live without her; that you can't smile without her… That just knowing she isn't coming home? It rips your heart to shreds and you wonder how it will ever mend.

In a city she didn't know, with streets and faces unfamiliar, the figure upon the motorcycle did her best to navigate her way. If she wasn't so stupid… if she had just said she was sorry… if she had just… just… There were so many things she could have done to stop her from leaving, so many, but in the end nothing was done. Pulling to the side of the road, before her was a run down bakery, Natsuki slid off the seat of her bike, stumbling for a few moments as her legs were not quite accustom to the ground. Riding for several hours straight always did this to her.

Rain plummeted down, even Mother Nature held no mercy for the young stupid woman. "Damn…" Grumbled the leather clad figure, before slipping into the front door of some place named: Sun Hai Cakes. It was comforting, the atmosphere. The air smelled of freshly baked sweets and honey. No one manned the front till, nor did anyone come to greet her. Perhaps no one was home? "Hello?" Natsuki called nervously, eyeing the curtain covered door suspiciously.

No answer.

So again, Natsuki attempted a call, stepping all the more closer to the crack of light that rested just behind the curtain, "Hello? Is anyone…"

"Hello hello!" An elderly woman gleefully responded, popping out from behind the curtain with a tray of fresh baked buns. The sudden action in itself causing Natsuki to jump backwards, mere inches from having hit the stand of cookies behind her. This of course was missed by the older woman as she bustled about, offering her new found customer a steaming hot bun, "Manju?" (Note: a steamed bun filled with a sweet azuki bean paste) Those eyes seemed almost sealed shut as it was almost next to impossible to see the baker's eyes.

Natsuki was about to decline when her stomach betrayed her brain issuing a low growl. This in turn caused Natsuki to blush and the woman to chuckle softly, "Ara it seems like someone is a little hungry. Come my husband and I are just about to eat supper, won't you join us?" It was such an inviting, and open invitation.

"I couldn't trouble you…" Natsuki began but was cut off by a waving hand.

"Nonsense! It is never a trouble, my husband and I are old and do not get much company. Come," As she spoke she motioned back to the curtained area, stepping in herself, "It would be our honour to have you."

There was little room to argue, and Natsuki knew this. So cautiously she followed the elderly woman, surprised by the warm comforts this back room offered in comparison to the front section of the bakery. It smelled so sweet, with little treats all about. Then off to the back corner appeared to be the connected kitchen and stairs that led presumably to a second floor and living quarters. The small table only held two seats – one to which was already occupied by a man with silver hair and slouched posture.

"Darling, look, we have company." Spoke the woman in excitement to, what Natsuki guessed, was her husband.

In this type of situation it was an amazement just how well mannered our biker could be. With a deep bow, Natsuki took the moment to introduce herself, "Kuga Natsuki, thank you for having me."

"Oh Natsuki-chan, it is a pleasure! A pleasure indeed!" Motioning to herself then to the man, the woman continued, "My name is Kokoshi and this is my husband, Futsomi." Shuffling off to the stove the woman – Kokoshi – motioned to a chair pushed up against the back wall, "Could you grab that Natsuki-chan? The miso shiru is almost done I just need to add a more few spices."

"Mhm," As instructed, Natsuki brought the chair over, setting it down in the empty space, "Can I help you with anything Kokoshi-san?"

"Ara, Natsuki-chan is so sweet. Perhaps she could reach the bowls for me?" Kokoshi motioned to the cupboard just off to the left, "Third shelf up."

She sounded so much like Shizuru, with her 'aras' and just that accent. Natsuki let off a silent sigh, finding the bowls with ease and setting them up before taking her seat at the table. It was a weird feeling, to sit with complete strangers, about to share a meal. It was strange… but for some reason it felt more then welcoming. How long had it been since she had felt like this? This… like a family… with parents to watch her, take care of her… too long. _Perhaps someday Shizuru and I will be able to create a warm feeling like this for someone…_

Drawn from her thoughts, the contents of her bowl become rather full, Natsuki smiled, thanking Kokoshi. All welcomed the meal. Initially there was little conversation, just simply things like how old was she, where did she live, what brought her all this way. Of course, when that last question was asked, one have to be blind not to see the visible pain that emanated from the biker.

"I'm… I'm looking for a friend."

"Ara, and what is your friend doing in Kyoto? Does she live here?"

"Yes… well no… sort of…" Natsuki found it hard to voice just what was running through her mind. "Her parents live here you see, and she came to visit them."

"Ah, well that is nice. So if she is visiting her parents then why is Natsuki-chan all the way out here? Shouldn't she be waiting at home for this friend to return?" Inquired Kokoshi.

"I…I…"

It was the first time Futsomi spoke, and to be honest, he did not speak for very long, "She's in love." Grumbled the man, apparently hard around the edges, but with an underlying wisdom and understanding that most only dreamt of, "Come to bring her home no doubt, because you were stupid the first time and ended up chasing her away…"

"Futsomi!" Kokoshi scolded about to say more to her husband before Natsuki broke in.

"He's right…" This caused Kokoshi to stop, Futsomi continuing to work away at his soup. Setting down her own set of dishware, Natsuki fought hard against the tears, biting the base of her lip, "I… I really messed up… And… and… as punishment I am about to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me." A comforting hand settled upon her shoulder and Natsuki looked back, startled. There sat Kokoshi, with a warm look of a mother with experience; knowledge.

"Natsuki-chan, I am sure whatever happened you simply being here… it proves just how much you care. And if this woman has any sense at all she will see that. Ah, young love these days. So drastic! Futsomi and I had an arranged marriage. Though at first I did not like it, nor did he, in time we accepted it, even fell in love. The world back then was not as confusing as it is now. But I am sure you will manage things just fine Natsuki-chan." Savouring her remaining soup, Kokoshi set down her bowl, smiling widely, "So what do you have in mind to sweep her off her feet?"

"She doesn't… doesn't even know where she lives, am I right?" It was Futsomi speaking again, his words hitting Natsuki like a sac of bricks. _Why did this guy have to be so blunt, yet so right?_

"I… well… no…" Natsuki admitted in defeat.

Noticing this inner struggle, Kokoshi felt a sympathy for the girl and lightly slapped her husband on the arm. Wasn't it enough that this young girl was in pain? Her husband just had to make it worse by pointing out every flaw in her heroic rescue. Shooting him a glance that screamed, 'You did this! Fix it!' Kokoshi smirked as her husband caved, setting down his own dishware.

"What's the name?" Grunted Futsomi, in a way he was rather similar to Natsuki… grunts, grumbles and mumbles.

"Name?" Natsuki's eyes shot up, puzzled by the question, "What do you…"

"Family name, we've been in the business long enough. We might just know her by her family name." Was this girl out to lunch? Futsomi hadn't seen someone so distraught since… since… oh right since his own mother said he wasn't allowed to play outside anymore with the boys. That he had to become a suitable boy… right…

"Oh!" Gently, Natsuki smacked her palm to her forehead. Being clueless was sometimes a given, but in front of guests? Only Shizuru ever made her so confused… yet so loved at once… "Fujino, her family name is Fujino." Natsuki watched in sheer confusion as both other jaws dropped at the table, "What… you know them!" Asked the young girl with a sudden excitement ringing clear in her voice.

"Know them! They're just the biggest name in all of Kyoto! The Grand Fujino!" Kokoshi responded in shock. "Didn't you see the company sign on your way in? There must have been over a dozen billboards and such…" The elderly woman couldn't help but chuckle as Natsuki shook her head in shock.

"Well they are faithful customers. We run a deliver to them every morning of fresh baked treats. You can go with Futsomi tomorrow to the estate, neh Futsomi?" A grunt was provide, most likely meaning yes and if it meant no… well there was no such option. "So you just rest here for the night. I shall clean out the guest room and first thing tomorrow you can find your friend."

"I… I wouldn't want to be a bother…" Began Natsuki, but was not able to finish.

"No trouble at all, none at all! Come, we'll go set up the futon." Kokoshi motioned for Natsuki to follow, scooping up the dishes and setting them in the sink on her way by. Up the stairs they went. Though it was small, it was comfortable. It was only a few moments before she was provided with a towel to take a shower.

It wasn't something she would normally do – accept all this help. But in a strange place, with no idea where to go, Natsuki found herself thankful. After her shower, and good nights to both Kokoshi and Futsomi, Natsuki found herself staring at an unfamiliar ceiling.

"I'm coming Shizuru… wait for me… I'm almost there…"

-

Somewhere In Kyoto

A figure tossed and turned in her sleep. Normally it wasn't this hard to sleep. Normally Natsuki was over in just the next room… Normally…

"Nat-su-ki…" Mumbled the figure.

* * *

**Author:** Omg! Omg! Omg! I actually got a chapter done for Letters! I actually got a chapter... -Faints-

...

Alright! -jumps back up- So there you have it! Don't ask me when the next chapter will come up... I haven't started it! But I am thinking maybe another chapter or two? That sounds about good doesn't it?

Anyways, review! And if you haven't already, vote in my poll. I'm using what the results are from that to base my latest story on.

Ah, and before I forget, here is your omake:

**The OMAKE**

Author: I make a toast to...

Natsuki: Does it have mayo on it?

Author: No... its... a... _toast_... not toast...

Natsuki: -Glares- If it doesn't have mayo then it isn't a toast!

Shizuru: Ara, Natsuki I think what Author is trying to say is she is making a _toast_ - Raises her glass-

Natsuki: Don't raise your glass Shizuru! Author is lying to us! She isn't really going to give us any toast!

Nao: Stupid pup...

Natsuki: What's that Spider?!

Nao: Stupid pup. That's what I said. You deaf too? The Author said she offered a _toast, _not toast!

Natsuki: I heard that the first three times! And I will say it again, I don't see the toast!

Nao: -Sigh- Shizuru how do you deal with this?

Natsuki: Deal with what? What are you hinting at you spider!?

Shizuru: -Somehow has a cup of tea- Ara, well I think its quite cute... though sometimes I do wonder...

Author: -Feels neglected-

Nao: Cute? You've got a weird sense of cute Fujino

Shizuru: Ara, why thank you Yuuki-chan.

Nao: -Blushes-

Natsuki: Oi! What are you blushing at?!

Nao: NOTHING!!

Shizuru: So Yuuki-chan, how is your fanfiction coming along.

Nao: -Glares at Author who is in the corner rocking back and forth- It isn't, damn Author is too busy working on you and the pup she has forgotten to write about me...

Author: That isn't true! You know that Nao-chan!

Nao: Yeah!? Then why are all your stories about them!? -Points to Natsuki and Shizuru-

Author: -Pouts- Because... because... they're easy to write about...

Nao: Are you saying I am difficult?

Author: GAH! No! Never Nao-chan! I'm saying your partner is difficult!! -Tears up-

Nao: Oi! Don't cry! If you cry I swear I'm going to...

Author: Nao-chan run away with me and we shall cause havoc in the world together! Beat up a bunch of people and skip classes and... and...

Miyu: -Sword materializes-

Author: -Turns pale white- M-m-m-miyu... where.. where did you come from? -Gulps-

Miyu: Author must die -Monotone voice-

Author: I'm too young to die!! Nao-chan! Save me! Shizuru! Natsuki!

Nao: You got yourself into this...

Natsuki: Yeah I agree with the Spider on that one.

Nao: Really?

Natsuki: Yeah

Nao: Thanks?

Natsuki: No problem

Shizuru: Ara, has both Natsuki-chan and Yuuki-chan forgotten something?

Both: What?

Shizuru: -Points at Author who is running madly from Miyu's pointy sword- If Author dies, neither of you will get what you want. No mayo for Natsuki and no story for Nao

Both: ... O-O

Nao: Shit!

Natsuki: We have to save Author!

Shizuru: -Sips tea- Ara, it seems you two are a tad to late... -Points to Director who has gotten a hold of Author-

Author: -Crying- No!! I don't want to go study! I don't wanna! Director-san! Please!!

Director: No Author, not this time. You're going to sit at that desk and do your work! - Hauls Author off-

Natsuki: Shit...

Nao: I'm never going to get that story now!

Natsuki: -Sobbing- Mayo!

Shizuru: -Calmly sipping tea with a sobbing Natsuki in her lap and an almost sobbing Nao rambling to her left- Ara ara...


	12. Chapter 12

**Letters:_ Part XII_**

* * *

What do you do when everything you feel… defies what you were taught? All the years spent being groomed to be a perfect wife; with a perfect husband; with a perfect family. But what if that isn't you? Perhaps you want the family, and to be the wife! But to have the husband … What if you don't want the husband… but a wife? Was it wrong? It certainly wasn't right… or was it?

-

The past few days had come and gone with nothing overly special to note about them. Shizuru, though she loved her family, was beginning to miss Fuuka. Mostly for its particular dark haired woman that she had come to love; though Shizuru had also come to love the city itself. For so much had transpired within those borders – both good and bad. It was where she had met Natsuki, Reito, and many others. It was where she had finally showed weakness and it was where she now felt most at home. It would have been so simple, to pack up her things, call her trip short, and return home. Home to Natsuki. However something was holding her back.

Today, as she had been walking through one of the small local areas, crimson orbs caught a glimpse of something. It was a news stall, with one particular headline catching her attention. In thick red kanji it read: The Disgrace of the West. _The West?_ Often there were headlines regarding the West, however it was not particularly akin with being a disgrace. Although the West and East did not always see eye to eye, each were vital in the survival of economies, when one fell, the other was sure to follow. So what had the West done to upset public officials here? Without reading more into the topic, Shizuru picked up the issue, paid the vender (1) and continued in the direction she had originally been going.

Only after her arrival and proper placement in the tea shop did Shizuru think to open the paper she had purchased just moments ago. Though the article tailored its attack against the West, it appeared that the controversy lay just North of the States (which Shizuru would have been willing to wage money was the cause). No, it appeared the trouble came from that other North American country, which little attention was ever paid to, Canada. After reading through the entire article Shizuru found herself speechless. It appeared that the Canadian government had caused international uproar with one of the more recent Bills it had passed. The third country - with Spain following close in suit - to legalize what was referred to as "same-sex" marriages (2).

For a moment all that ran through the honey haired woman's mind was an envy, envy for those who lived in these countries. There it wasn't wrong to hold such a love. There it was okay to be with that someone you loved, even if they were of the same gender as you. And here… Sadness washed over her body. Here the paper said it clear enough, it was not acceptable. It was wrong, it was shameful… it was an utter disgrace (3).

The world taunted her, every turn she took, every street she crossed. It was as if the world had turned against her. No, not all the world, simply the world she wanted. With the ones she loved, with dreams she could never have.

Shizuru was only allowed a few minutes to brood over the thoughts as a cute blushing waitress arrived at her table, presenting the tea she had ordered upon first entering. Up went the mask; on went the smile, "Ara, thank you." Shizuru said in that very Fujino manner – the one that had always elicited a blush from Natsuki. Of course, when this young girl's blush deepened it did not please Shizuru in the least (an uncommon occurrence). Instead it caused her to regret the action. Even if it was a façade it didn't matter. Only Natsuki should ever have the honour of Shizuru's teasing… if she wanted it of course.

Bringing the steaming cup to her lips, Shizuru rested them against the brim, blowing ever so gently. Who was she kidding? Natsuki didn't want such a thing. This being bothered by such a trivial International uproar… why did it matter? Natsuki would never want to marry her, and Shizuru would never love anyone other then Natsuki. Thus a marriage of such a "disgraceful" manner would never occur. Her family would never know of her improper love, and the family name would never be spoiled. All was faultless.

"Miss?" A gentle voice drew Shizuru from her plummeting thoughts. It was the young waitress again.

"Ara, yes?" Silently Shizuru prayed this woman would just leave her be, that the world would simply allow her to wallow in the sorrows that it had adhered upon her. However, those prayers went unanswered as the young woman continued, cheeks tinged with a light pink.

"The gentleman in the corner," The waitress began - motioning to a grinning idiot who sat at a table filled with men who Shizuru assumed to be business associates - then placed a small note upon the table, "Has offered to pay for your tea and anything else you might have this afternoon. As well he asked me to give you this."

Eyeing the small piece of paper, Shizuru cocked her brow, a name followed by several digits were all that appeared upon its surface. The family name seemed familiar – no doubt a business associate to her parents. "Ara, tell this…" Again Shizuru glanced at the paper, "… Kenji-san that I thank him for his kind offer however I cannot accept." With that, Shizuru slide the note back across the table in the direction of her waitress before returning to her tea, gaze falling to the window next to her.

It was only moments before a small uproar was heard – though Shizuru remained oblivious. Oblivious until someone decided to again interrupt her thoughts this time seizing the seat opposite her, "Good afternoon Miss."

Ruby orbs shifted upward of the ripping patterns that presented themselves within her soothing drink, "Is there something I may help you with?" The voice no longer held its polite air and was now laced with a colder tone.

This however went unnoticed by the man as he continued with the conversation, his cocky grin only causing Shizuru to want more and more to wipe it from his face, "I couldn't help but notice you were sitting here all alone – such a pretty face. I had the waitress offer you something as well as to cover your tab, but it seems she was mistaken with the reply. After all who could turn down an offer from a kind hearted man?" Motioning back over to the table he shared with his associates the man droned on, "Won't you join us for a drink? My treat."

Exhaling loudly, Shizuru could not take another moment of this. From her seat she rose, ensuring to make eye contact with the man before her, "No, the waitress did not make a mistake, it seems you did. I do not wish to join you or your friends, I do not wish to have you cover my bill, and I most certainly do not wish for your number." The man seemed shocked as his eyes went wide - of course that was only half the reason. The other half came with the lukewarm liquid that was thrown upon his face causing the entire establishment to fall deathly silent.

An older man wearing a white apron stepped out of the back room, eyeing the situation with caution, "Miss Fujino, is this customer bothering you?" In one hand he held a dish rag while the other a tea cup similar to the one Shizuru had just emptied.

"Ara, no, I think the misunderstanding has been cleared up now," The woman said with a smirk, glancing down to the still shocked man, "Ojiisan I apologize for the mess, would I be able to make it up to you another time? At this present moment," Shizuru glared heavily at the younger man, then offered a much softer gaze to the other before continuing, "This man has spoiled my desire for tea today."

A soft chuckle left him, and his head bobbed in approval, "It is alright my dear, run along. Oh, and on your way out," He spoke as Shizuru had moved closer to the door, "Yuki-chan has the bag of leaves your father ordered. Give him my greetings."

Shizuru smiled as the waitress provided her with the small paper bag, "Thank you Ojiisan, I will be sure to pass them on, and again, my apologies for the mess."

As she left the establishment, all Shizuru could hear was a hearty chuckle. To her lips a small smile blossomed. _Shame… it truly was a waste of tea… _

-

After the events at the tea shop time seemed to move dreadfully slowly. There, draped about the common room sofa, Shizuru lay, at a complete and utter loss. The article this morning, the man, it had all given her mind more reason to swarm with doubt and uncertainty. Glancing at the family portrait hanging above the mantle, the honey haired woman sighed.

Shizuru was most certain neither of her parents knew what the word homosexuality was, or even thought about it. Both – like her – had been raised in an extremely traditional setting with strong beliefs – high morals. So where exactly was it that she had fallen off the train? Why was it that when she looked into a crowded room of attractive young individuals it wasn't the opposite gender that caught her attention? That no matter how much she tried to conform… she couldn't.

It hadn't started that way – falling for woman. Just as a young woman does not come out of the womb fully educated in manners and edict, a young woman does not simply come into being loving women. It is not a gene you can merely turn on or off, it isn't your parents fault nor is it societies. So when? Why? Heaven forbid, how?

These were the thoughts plaguing Shizuru since the early morning. As a young lady, Shizuru had been taught many things; from traditional tea ceremonies to the art of neatly arranging shoes. Yes, believe it or not shoe arranging could be an art. But no where during all that training had any one taught Shizuru what to do if she ever fell in love… with another woman.

There was no manual to guide her way, no influential figures to explain just what it was she felt. But most importantly there was no "other" to love her back, or at least the other that she loved.

The world just wasn't fair. And even if Natsuki – by some luck of the Gods – loved her back with a fraction of the love Shizuru held for her, what then? Would everything between them change? Would the light, humorous atmosphere fall heavy with a sense of duty? Responsibility? So many what if's, none of which Shizuru could nurse the ultimate outcome. Everything in her life… was no longer her choice.

"Ah! These thoughts…" Shizuru slumped back further into the couch, running her slender fingers through her honey locks, "Why won't they just… stop…" She murmured softly, clutching at the ache in her chest: it never went away… or rather it only disappeared when she was with Natsuki… only when she forgot…

The bell to the front entrance rang allowing Shizuru a short reprieve from her hazardous thoughts. From the kitchen her mother spoke, "Shizuru honey, could you get the door?"

"Yes mother," Grumbled the figure, sliding off the couch and to the front door. Not bothering to see who it was before hand, Shizuru simply opened the door, "Ara good afternoon Futsomi-san. My mother was worried you got los…" Crimson eyes widened and her jaw fell slack, "N-n-natsuki? … What… are you doing here?" Involuntarily her hand went to her chest, and a step was taken back as her knight in shining armor took on step forward.

"Shizuru," Those chapped lips adorned that gentle smile, her eyes were soft but appeared worn – tired, "We need to talk."

And just like that, Shizuru's world shattered.

* * *

1 – I don't know if there are news stand venders in Japan. I don't even know it there are venders like that in the city I live in! But I know there are boxes you can put some money into and then it opens and you get your paper. Let us pretend Japan is cooler then that and has real people, with real carts, with… real cheeseburgers shall we?

2 – This is being used in more of a past reference (Considering when Canada passed the Bill allowing same-sex marriages that was back in 2005). To date I believe there are five countries and two states to have legalized same-sex marriages. Do not quote me on any of my information. I never stayed awake in social class; all I know is that same-sex marriage are legal here in Canada. To what degree, or what exactly was written in the Bill… consult Google. Let it be your Guru. If you want to ask me something ask me why I wear socks, or why I own teddy bears, or why the hell I sleep with three pillows. Ask Kit questions Kit knows the answer to and without thinking!

3 – Again do not quote me on that. I am not sure on the Japanese Government and their stance on homosexuality. I had a quick skim through an article which stated that most Japanese do not even understand the concept of homosexuality let alone approve of it. From my own belief, which could very much be wrong, I see Japan as a country that has been raised on strict morals, much like China. Where it is important to carry down the family name and bring honour and such to the family. Not to say this isn't an important factor in other countries, I am simply saying personally on what I have seen, North America has drifted from this belief. There is little connection to the family and everything is done with the soul purpose of single achievement. I have an oriental heritage (my father and his family having left Vietnam during the Communist invasion) and know that in their culture, such an idea would not be acceptable. It would be like the plague of the family I suppose. Though younger generations may not feel so attached to this idea now that they are being raised and living in such a "free" orientated country, it is still a common belief being instilled in many over seas as well as here.

* * *

Author note: Hey! Look! I updated Letters.

-Sigh- You know? This ended up as a combination of the two rough drafts I wrote for this chapter? Most of it was done but... yeah... I didn't feel in the mood to write it. Hence why I started _Our Story_

But I won't bore you with the details! Just look! Its Chapter 12 of Letters!

Thirteen is a good number of chapters right? I mean its a good number of episodes for an anime series... so why not a story?!

-Whistles-

This chapter is... extremely different from all the others as it does get into some of the nitty gritty of homosexuality and the socialital/family view upon the issue.

I would like to point out now, that these are my opinions voiced into the piece so if you don't agree that is truly fine. I mean we're not all meant to think alike right?

Well I hope you enjoy, and Happy early holidays everyone!


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